[06 Dec 2009|02:33am] 2amtomorning [theconsequences] & ADD?

[05 Dec 2009|03:22pm] 2amtomorning [sea_of_black] [ music | poison oak ] give me one good reason i shouldn't abandon this relationship with you. 04 & ADD?

[06 Dec 2009|02:59am] 2amtomorning [rosesinverse] I am lost -- Lost, lost, impossibly lost. I thought I liked you. I thought that maybe perhaps for once I found a boy that I could crush on for a while, distract me, help me get over him. It worked. It worked perhaps a little too well -- because then I went overseas for a week and to distract myself from you I fell for someone else, someone you know as well. It's like the cycle that never stops. I cannot unfall for someone unless I fall for someone else but when I fall deeply enough I have to get out of it again by falling for another someone I do not know well enough. And it goes on and on and on and feels so futile because I know, I know, I know. It is as if I do not know how to be out of love. "Love". & ADD?

i drunkenly just sent this to someone. [05 Dec 2009|03:38am] 2amtomorning [oliver_write] i don't remember what it says. // i never responded to this. i'm not sure how. because i remember it caughtme in the throat. and i still haven't figured out why your words do that. i think it has something to do with sigur ros, my brother, worship, photography, your sister, rolling tobacco, and many other things. but, you still fit in. in this place, where you and i jump in and out of each others lives. but, when they are there, they are needed. and that is good. i don't really know what God meant when He said 'It was good.'. i don't. but, i know these things: i woke up and wished i hadn't slept so late, because i'm trying to learn how to be a responsibly adult & still exist in some make believe 'garden state', 'lost in translation', 'love me, if you dare', 'the go-getters', 'into the wild', 'on the road', 'franny & zooey', bukowski, sigur ros, salinger, poe kind of world. but, it's hard to figure out how to do all of that & still see God. and, God. fuck. sister, believe me when i say i still see God. and, it's a frustrated, relentless, seeking God. and he's always trying to win me. and i'm fighting so fucking hard. but, i see him. amidst the photograph. in the backdrop the silohette, sunset, ray of light. i see him in the poem word honey-soft spoken i would believe if i could and i will because G-d formed my lips and they will sing speak lie repent praise relive all the moments i have ever been given in an attempt to remember what it was like to be adam in the garden of eden with a tempting apple and a world that was already free we always think he messed up big. adam. but, honestly, i would have wanted to know what the apple tasted like. but, i also want to believe that i would have had the forsight to know that i would have rather spent forever with God. but, i wouldn't have already known that. i would have been curious. and, love, that is what scares me about my life now. i feel like adam. i know the goodness and grace of God. i know that i believe God lives and breathes in all of the world. and i will find every reason that i can to prove that God exists in whatever i am doing. regardless of whether or not that is true. I am too much of Adam. I need you, sisterdear. To come back to Yakima, and sit in mel's and write a poem to me about how God is somewhere in all of this. And for all of my over-analyzing, and psychology-wondering, and dream-making, i want to understand where God can fit into all of this with me. because, as you know, i've started playing piano, and, there have been a few moments some mornings, when i'm hungover, with a coffee cup and a cigarette, where i will play a song and hear the black and ivory keys sing to me of God. and, i won't know it. but, bukowski will throw 'empties' at my grandfather's grave, and salinger will forget to publish his short stories for me to read, and keruoac will die before i am ready, and my thoughts will all leave me before i am can begin to open my voice to sing kayla, i smoke camel wides i drink red wine i write poems on my computer in my porch-closet-fort to 'details in the fabric' by jason mraz and your sister has the porch table covered in old glass bowls they are red, green, and white and hold tea lights and if i light them all, and smile just right, and i'm drunk enough, i can see God then too. i am saying that time hasn't done anything. but prove to me that we can still do this. stories. and wonder. and faults. and good. and God. and all. I think we can. and i love you, sister. i love the drunk wonderings of a poor boy still finding God in the fabric. 04 & ADD?

[05 Dec 2009|04:32am] 2amtomorning [ill_be_yr_bear] He's a local musician. He's a beautiful human being. Knowledgeable, witty, goofy, classy, talented, inspiring. He's the epitome of "dreamy". But crushes are just that, crushes. Nothing could ever come from it. I know this. but Jeremy Mertz is my dreamy, untouchable boy at the diner. who's yours? :] 01 & ADD?

[05 Dec 2009|12:33am] 2amtomorning [mytinyrussias] I am freaking out about growing up. 09 & ADD?

[05 Dec 2009|02:56am] 2amtomorning [sweetness_sugar] Today the world smelt of christmas. We strolled around the city. There was this little Italian food store down an alley that baked bread and sold antipasti. We ate all the free samples. I brought some artichokes and some Italian pastries. It reminded me of being back there with him. He'd cook me dinner and take me by the hand. I'd climb on the back of the bike and we'd drive around the city. I needed those few months to be okay again and to feel wanted. To lie in bed with someone knowing that they wanted me to stay there. In another country, a million miles away from home. Another life. Everything's so different today. It's like it really is another life away. Us sitting about in cafes drinking coffee. I don't read to him in English anymore, and he doesn't sit trying to teach me Italian. Now i can't even be in love with just one boy. Now i'm in love with a boy that doesn't want me. And one i know i can never be with. Where have the days of Italian sunshine gone? & ADD?

[05 Dec 2009|12:47am] 2amtomorning [crystalcasualty] I watched the walls all this evening, waiting for a text back, just saying anything, to let me know you care at all. I could tell myself you've fallen asleep but there hasn't been a day I haven't got a good night text from you since, well, the ex girlfriend incident. I know somethings wrong: When we lay together, you lay silent and staring. "What are you thinking about?" "Nothing" "Please tell me" "I don't remember" Alarm bells "Are you okay?" "Yeah I'm fine. Just tired." Sirens I've heard it all before, even used it, I know, I feel somethings not right. You won't tell me. Fine. So push me away. You still say all the right words, hold my hand, kiss me by the canal. Your heart isn't in it. Your smile is fake. Your eyes don't quite meet mine. You don't look at me the same way. I left with a sinking feeling. Probably you realised I'm not who you thought I was. Probably you got bored of me. Just like all the others. Every fucking time. 04 & ADD?

'Til death do us part, etc. [04 Dec 2009|05:23pm] 2amtomorning [misterslick] The only thing I truly love is a stuffed polar bear toy named Adrian. Short story about Adrian: he wasn't supposed to be mine, really. My dad's friend(Adrian was named after him) was supposed to give him to his date, but she stood him up or something, so he gave him to me. Tell me about your favourite toys/things/whatever from childhood, 2am? 015 & ADD?

This is me giving up on you [05 Dec 2009|04:46am] 2amtomorning [__escapist] [ music | Japanese Gum - Her Space Holiday ] I used to know this girl Who gave her love away To every guy she met With all the games they played She never seemed to cry She never got upset And one by one they came And one by one they left I thought that I could fix her If she would let me in But all of my advances Were shut down in the end When days turned into months I begged her to explain And this is what she sang It’s not like I’m a slut Or that I really like to fuck I just want every boy I see To walk away with part of me Until there’s nothing left to hold Until there’s nothing left to hate I appreciate your help But even you can’t save me from myself I used to know this boy Who took notes in a book But he ripped out all the pages Before I got a look At all the words he scribbled At all the lines he filled But the ink stains on his fingers Told me he was skilled At capturing a feeling That most of us just miss The simple pain of living With goodbyes on our lips I found one of the pages Crumpled by her bed And this is how it read It’s not like I am weak Or that I don’t know how to leave It’s just that every time you cheat You bring me closer to defeat Until there’s nothing left to love Until there’s nothing left to say I know that you need help But even I can’t save you from yourself There's something about these lyrics... Just thought I'd share. 02 & ADD?

Caribbean Sunset [04 Dec 2009|11:07am] seashores [veselo_info] 01 & ADD?

LiveJournal Major Notes: LiveJournal: The First Decade, AIDS vgift fundraiser, LJ_Photophile poll! [03 Dec 2009|03:21pm] news [theljstaff] LiveJournal: The First Decade Just in time for holiday shopping, we're thrilled to announce the release of our ten-year anniversary anthology. Published by Blurb.com, the book showcases a decade of extraordinary talent drawn from LiveJournal users around the world. This must-read compilation features stories, memes, photos, comics, editorials, graphic content, and more, including: Excerpts from Oh No They Didn't (a/k/a ohnotheydidnt), the largest community on LiveJournal, covering celebrity gossip, entertainment news, and pop culture A look at post-Katrina New Orleans from the journal of Poppy Z. Brite Gripping narratives, including a poignant reverie on a blind date Photography that spans the globe, ranging from old-fashioned Polaroids to underwater photography Mouthwatering dishes from food_porn What began as a late-night inspiration back in Brad Fitzpatrick's college dorm in 1999 has grown to encompass nearly 25 million users worldwide, with journals and communities covering every conceivable hobby, passion, and topic. To get your copy, please visit the Blurb Bookstore. For updates and entries from book contributors, please join lj_turns10. Tweaks and enhancements You can now ban a user from all of your communities and journals at once. To access this feature, hover over the person's userpic and choose Ban user everywhere from the drop-down menu. Follow LiveJournal on Twitter! Give a little to help a lot! In honor of National AIDS Awareness month, we've added a new charitable vgift. For each red ribbon you purchase for $2.99, we'll donate 100 percent of gross proceeds to IAVI.org (the International AIDS Vaccine Initiative) to support the development and global distribution of an affordable HIV vaccine (we'll cover credit card fees). You can read more about IAVI at lj_cares. While we're on the subject, we raised $740 from our November fundraiser for Love Without Boundaries, which supports emergency healthcare and adoption of Chinese orphans. We thank you for helping us help others. Photos of the week We're back with more incredible pictures from our super-talented LiveJournal photographers. Congratulations to ilya_gorokhov, who is the winner of our very first lj_photophile poll. We hope you'll continue to post, vote, and comment! A gentle request: Please post only one photo at a time and limit size to 350x350 (so images display properly on friends pages). And now, without further ado, get ready to cast your ballot and view more awesome user content after the jump! ( Read more... ) Curtains Thanks, again, for joining us. Stay safe and snug out there! 0189 & ADD?

another day, another holler [03 Dec 2009|03:42pm] sarahness On Monday, my cousin brought over the couch from my grandma's house. She was getting new living room furniture, so her garbage was my treasure. I mean, it's in decent shape, but it's pretty ugly. I'm looking into getting a couch cover asap, but since my grandma is coming to visit on Friday, I figured I'd wait until after that, because I don't want to hurt her feelings (and since this is the first time she's ever come to visit any of my homes in the almost 7 years I've been on my own, I'm pretty sure this will be her first and only visit). I've been attempting to hang my paintings/pictures/mirrors/curtains up today, but Amelia's fussy-butting is not conducive to getting shit done. She's happy when I'm holding her, but screams when I put her down. Usually, she's content to sit and play where ever, but I think these fuckin teeth are bothering her. Can I also say that trying to type with a 6 month old reaching out to get the keyboard is not easy? Here's a HI! from Amelia: rs ec jhgj0 m c j jkjmmn mmm,n ,lm btszfdesa She thinks all things are hers now. Better get used to that, right? I'm getting her Christmas portraits done tomorrow at 11. I'm hoping that they will be timely, because once afternoon hits, she starts to get the fussies. Also, I hope the dress still fits (it's 3-6months). & ADD?

tonight I will try some sleep and I will let you know if I like it [03 Dec 2009|02:28am] 2amtomorning [firebomber] I see him there, sitting at the desk directly in front of the teacher's desk, on the right side. Kunga was the only monk in the class, and he was the one who laughed the hardest, longest, and highest. His peals of laughter would continue well after everyone else had quieted down, and we'd often start laughing again, just laughing at how he hard and high he laughed. His English was bad, and he knew it, but he still came to class. He always smiled, even if he hadn't done his homework. The whole world is a joke to him, I think; he is so easy-going and finds humor in everything, even my terrible jokes in simple English! He recently joined facebook and requested my friendship. While chatting with him tonight, he asked for a picture of my parents, so I sent him two pictures of my parents when they were young. Upon seeing my mom's picture, he said "this is very nice picture of u!" I laughed and told him it was my mother, when she was 18. "I thought it was u! so same looking!" Then, at one point, an "ooohhhhh god" popped up on my screen. I can hear him saying it, putting his palm across his face with his bare arm, the right one, that monks have outside their robe. It is always followed by a peal of chest-heaving, high-pitched, school-girl laughter. "Gen lak i think it is really late in usa" Oh, it's 2 in the morning; not that late! "Gen lak u must try some sleep if u stay like this every time it is not good for ur health i heard like this suggestion from doctor" My students were so amazing, so kind. I didn't think I would miss each and every one of them, for whatever dynamic they brought to the class. I can see Kunga's eyes widening at my admission of insomnia, which I have to translate (and secretly hopes he remembers). He shakes his head in a disproving, American manner, imitating me. Then he laughs, and his laughter echoes. & ADD?

"That is why it is magic." [03 Dec 2009|01:43am] 2amtomorning [suckyfucky] I fell in love with a magician. His hair was as white as the sails of a ship. He had an elephant. He saved my life. I haven't seen him in years, but when I sat on his lap, the world came to a halt. 05 & ADD?

[02 Dec 2009|06:18pm] 2amtomorning [saltshakerheart] do any of you, or anyone you might know, choose to be single? what's the reasoning? edit: i really appreciate all the answers. i've been single myself for the last six months or so. but i'm sort of pursuing someone from relatively far away. we have a history, and depending on what she says this christmas, i'm considering moving to where she is when i'm finished university in may. but i'm also considering what happens if i'm rejected yet again, and i wanted some insight into what other people are doing with themselves. 029 & ADD?

[02 Dec 2009|06:46pm] 2amtomorning [astonerblog] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | La Belle et La Bete - Babyshambles ] "it pained him that he did not know well what politics meant and that he did not know where the universe ended. He felt small and weak. When would he be like the fellows in Poetry and Rhetoric? They had big voices and big boots and they studied triginometry. That was very far away." Never have I felt such kinship with a fictional character. 02 & ADD?

[02 Dec 2009|06:30pm] cam_whores [anystyll] [ music | patience - guns n' roses ] & ADD?

TELL ME WHATS NEXT [03 Dec 2009|04:59am] 2amtomorning [juicylipsy] It's only 18 days left till our vacation to Lisbon We have waited 5 months for this Being apart for 5 bloody months Now you are having me the cold shoulder? What's the deal? You said you need me to be with you Us to be together again, to reignite what we had And then we will talk later? This is bullshit. So near, yet I just dont want this anymore. I dont have to put up with this right? Why me? 02 & ADD?

MogileFS Maintenance [02 Dec 2009|12:18pm] lj_maintenance [mhwest] [ mood | dirty ] [ music | Bad Religion - Stranger Than Fiction ] **EDIT Thu Dec 3 23:24:15 UTC 2009 ** Hey Everyone, we are about to run the last alter job that we need to on our database servers. This will effect userpics / scrapbook / vgift images for the next few hours. Have no fear, your images aren't lost, there is just a really intensive process running on the servers which store the information for mogilefs. Thank you for your understanding and all the LJ love... Hey LJers, I just wanted to let you all know that we are going to be performing some mogilefs maintenance over the next few days. We will be upgrading our current version to latest stable as well as changing some db config information to better handle the amount of files we are currently hosting. This shouldn't cause a big impact on site stability, but you may see some minor delays with userpic / scrapbook images appearing or other requests associated with our mogilefs. We would love to not have that happen, but unfortunately with some of the steps we need to take we have to cause a delay with images. I figured this was a better solution than taking down all of LiveJournal because well lets face it, we all need our daily LJ fix ;) Thanks, 0119 & ADD?

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